Felicia: A High Tech Mammy For The Holidays

The Original Dismissed Felicia, from the 1995 movie Friday

VH1 has a new show called Bye Felicia!, set to premiere on December 9th. While it is never right to judge a book by its cover, judging reality television by a preview and a press release is just fine. 

NEW YORK, NY- November 13, 2014 – White women of LA are getting a serious confidence boost and a little dose of reality with the series premiere of “Bye Felicia!,” premiering Tuesday, December 9 at 9PM. This 8-episode, hour long series follows Atlanta-based life coaches Deborah Hawkes and Missy Young as they set out to help white girls across the Los Angeles area. Each closed-ended episode aims to empower two different women who could use a dose of honesty in order to turn their lives around. -VH1 

Any black woman following media cues has a right to be confused. Outside of constant messages about being both undesirable, yet fetishized; black women are also all knowing sages despite being ignorant crabs in a barrel. Congratulations black women, you are no longer being seen as just one thing! You now have an arsenal of stereotypes to battle!  But shame, you have left white girls out in the cold. They are lost. The wisdom of the magic negress now has to be explained to grown white women through contrived interviews and deep conversations.   Young white girls are no longer are able to receive it from their mammies or smart best friend. 

Just so everyone is clear: "You is smart. You is kind. You is important."




Bye Felicia! is not the first show this year to take on the mission of  educating white women exclusively. Previously, Girlfriend Intervention on Lifetime elicited virtual side eyes galore as a group of black women counseled white women into the fullness of their being. After all, "Trapped inside of every white girl is a strong black woman ready to bust out." White women are already the greatest benefactors of affirmative action, and stand to be the greatest benefactors of the media's simultaneous degradation and dismissal of black women. The funny thing that happens is that the white women being helped look like idiots in the process. Black women have a litany of issues to unpack in their representations on programming like this. White women, however, will solely hold responsibility for the bimboization of the fairer sex. 

The greatest mystery of all is that the content creators and network producers are tone deaf.  Cafeteria chefs attempt to provide palatable food, even though they know most cafeteria diners do not have much choice in where they eat (seriously, who goes to cafeterias for any reason besides for availability and convenience). Yet network producers rely on ratings as an excuse for the images they promote despite refusing to provide any other substance for a starved audience. They would do well to mimic the aspirations  of a cafeteria chef. Serve salad, organic meat, fresh fish, and whole grain starches. Man cannot live on frozen pizza alone-tasty as it may sometimes be. 

Now, far be it for me to deny anyone their salvation. These white women- primed and cued to look foolish- need help in the worst way. Why should they  refuse help and 15 minutes of fame from established psychologists and life coaches? As the holiday season approaches, remember Jesus appears to those who need Him in all shapes and forms. That may be a baby in a manager, or a modern day millennial  high tech mammy.

Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays.